Dear 999,999 moms.com,

I am a conservative Christian mom of 6. My oldest is 20. My youngest is 1. I am a biological mom. I am an adoptive mom. I am a foster mom. My family is mutli-cultural. I have home schooled. I have unschooled. I have tried public school. I have tried private. I love my husband. I vote pro-life and pro-family. I give 10%. I read Dobson. I have a three car garage and a swimming pool. I can’t afford health insurance for my family. I try not to cuss, sometimes I do. I know the pledge of allegiance, and I can name all 50 states. I know the ten commandments. I make a killer apple pie. I have signed your petitions.

This is where I get off your bandwagon.

For the last few months of what has been a very short career, one that could end here, I have written snarky posts that ticked people off or made them laugh. The people that have gotten mad at me say I am judgmental of chubby kindergarteners at dance recitals. Ironically, yesterday my site hit 1,000,000 views. And I may experience an exodus of my conservative readers. But I have been convicted of this: American’s are entitled and self-absorbed to the point of utter psychosis.

Americanized Jesus… heaven help us. One million of you are fighting a first world problem and making a fool of us all. This is the hill you’ve chosen to die on? A company that makes dolls; vinyl, synthetic DOLLS and sells them for what is considered a week’s wages for an entire family in The Congo, has offended you with a campaign. A campaign about two men who adopted FOUR children out of the foster care system offends your sense of right and wrong. The campaign features a letter from a real live American girl who carries her meager belongings from foster home to foster home in a trash bag.

We have officially lost our ever loving minds.

I have been to American Girl Doll. I have bought their products. I have paid $12.99 for a grilled cheese sandwich cut into the shape of the star while my daughter’s doll got a $25 spa treatment. And although it was a fun day, I hope I have to answer for this somehow.

America Christians, we are ridiculous.

The starving, the broken, the dying, the orphaned, the refugee, the sick, the suffering – I am pretty sure Real Jesus was most concerned with the least of these. If I have a dollar to give, and I have to face my God today, let it be said of me that I used that dollar to buy a box of graham crackers from a company that has a homosexual family in their television commercials, and I gave the box to a family in need.

We were promised very little by Jesus. He told us to love. The Gospel is love. We are so busy and caught up in our White Wonder Bread we have forgotten the true message of the Gospel. The list of offenses toward a conglomerate like American Girl Dolls is hardly this promotion.

If you sat down, in your memory foam chair to type your name in a little box on your computer to promote conservative values, in your air conditioned home, while a pot roast simmered in your “made in China” crockpot, and your laundry just finished spinning in your EF high-end washer, and your 2.5 children saw a commercial for Sponge Bob on Cartoon Network where Sponge Bob marries another male sponge… my heart does not break for you.

Just turn off the freaking t.v.

Let’s all turn off our televisions. Let’s all have a big ole’ garage sale, sell our belongings, and follow Jesus! Let’s go! One million of us! Come on! Let’s all go sign up to adopt HUMAN BEINGS out of the foster care system! No matter their race, color, or background! Let’s do it!

No?

Well, I understand.

You have that pot roast cooking and all. And there is a birthday party this weekend at American Girl Doll, and the dance recital… And Jesus is not calling you to adopt. He’s called you to sign petitions to stop commercials that offend you when you are sitting in your lay-z-boy eating pie. But your iPhone is right there, so if a commercial comes on to give a nickel or a rat’s ass about the suffering in Africa you’ll make sure and hook that up to your Paypal account.

Check automated monthly draft.

Check email me with updates on my nickel at work.

Share my generous giving on Facebook.

Get more pie.

Whew! Thank goodness. Your work here is done.

Well done faithful servant, well done.

Read campaign here: American girl and onemillionmoms

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment.³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40