Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: OH, You Just Have One?
Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: OH, You Just Have One? I have six… children that is.
As a mother of six, I want to know why when a mom of many says to you, “Oh, you JUST have one?” you don’t PUNCH HER IN THE THROAT???
Can I just say? This is this most insulting comment one mother can say to another mother. Basically, you are saying… “That’s all you could muster?”
Let me start by apologizing for us. We are sleep deprived, sex deprived and barely able to function in society. However, I believe it is wrong to say “I am sorry but…” A sorry just needs to be a sorry. So on behalf of the overbred, over adoptive, and over the edge… I am just sorry.
Now, let me extend this sleep deprived gem to you and all that may grace this page. And actually, this goes out to all the moms of “JUST TWO” also.
JUST???? Whether your “JUST” is biological, foster, adopted, step, sideways, God-child, or whatever, a life is a life. If you nurture, feed, clothe, love, or minimally maintain a HUMAN BEING – you are a hero. You are contributing to greatness at full throttle awesomeness. Don’t you dare defend your one or two, make apologies, or explain.
If you must explain, take it to the mat.
[clickToTweet tweet=”Just one? Yeah, I sustain life for a human being. #leavelegacy” quote=”Just one? Yeah, I sustain life for a human being. #leavelegacy”]
“Well, he/she is so perfect and we didn’t want to mess with perfection.”
“We never recovered from the ecstasy of creation… (insert pity, look the mother up and down, sympathetically pat them) I am sure you wouldn’t understand.”
But do not apologize or give your insulter the… “Well, we wanted more but…”
You owe us nothing.
We are the rude ones.
It is none of our business how or why… You are a mother.
You are a wonder.
Your child is a marvel.
Furthermore, here are just a few only children that rocked it: Franklin Roosevelt, Frank Sinatra, Laura Bush, Robert De Niro, and Elvis Presley….
ELVIS!?!?!?! You could be raising the next Elvis. Truly, you will not have time to do much else if you are touring with the next Elvis.
Now then, mothers of many… I come to you and humbly say: I have made this tacky mistake. But, I am reformed!
We must stop saying this. Have you been in line at the grocery store and your mass of monkeys are climbing on you, the basket, the conveyer belt, the candy display, and someone brings you one of your rogue hooligans and says… “You know what causes this right?”
Okay. The statement “You just have one?” is the equivalent on the rude-o-meter.
Stay out of my womb.
None of ya business.
Don’t go there.
Stop saying it.
Just don’t.
You go forth and multiply… do what you do. Encourage your fellow mommas. Play nice, “Just one” comment can bless or curse.
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
You just must read: Three things every Christian must stop saying!
As a mama of two…thank you.
xoxo
Love you❤️
I always wanted a big family, my husband decided he does not. So we have one child. I’m not sure if we will have more or not but it’s like a stake through my heart when anyone asks. I get that people are curious or don’t think but it is painful each and every time.
❤️
I’m so sorry, sweet momma.
LOL you’re so funny. As a mom of six, I don’t think I have ever said that to a mom with only one child. Several reasons, my first was an “only child” for four years… when you have “Just one” you are still a mom and have to entertain your child, feed them, etc. And for 2) I have several friends who have one child who would have liked to had more but because of fertility issues or difficult pregnancies they did not. I think EVERYONE can be thoughtless or careless with their words, that is why we ALL must learn to be forgiving and not walk in offense as well as being very careful with our words. Thanks for bringing up the subject! Love reading what you put down!
Yes! We don’t have time to live in offense, and we must seek to build each other up.
We have 3, expecting #4 in July. One night a week my husband takes our older 2 children to AWANA at church and the youngest, now 2, stays with me. I’m reminded every week how hard it is to have “just one” child. By now for me it’s much harder than having 3.Home grown playmates & helpers have made my lifeet as a mom so much easier (most of the time). Having one is hard work. Being mom is hard work. But no matter how it comes, it’s so very worth it.
As an only child of an only child, with an only child – thank you for writing this!
I AM a mom of 1 as I say all my eggs are in one basket ! He is the most amazing young man now . I am.so grateful for him everyday ..
Thank you for addressing this. Yes I have been told my child raising skills/experiences don’t count as I “only have 1”.
Punch them in the throat friend.
As a mom of one I wasn’t expecting this! Thank you!
Thank you!
Thanks for writing this. Somehow some people think having only one makes us “less than” as a parent. One or 21, we’re all parents!
Amen!
I have heard some doozies in my days of being AND raising an only – but thankfully Jesus reminds me that HE is the One who gave me my one and only son and that I am raising him for His service!
Catch me on a bad day though…and that punching might be an option 🙂
I love you!
You were mentioned on the Facebook page of my MOPS group as an option for a potential speaker in the future, so I came here to check you out (I’m in a leadership position that oversees our Speaker Coordinator). I’m just sitting here minding my own business doing my due diligence to make sure I don’t suck at my job, and I come across this article. It’s the first thing I clicked on, and totally didn’t expect what I read. Now I must be your friend. Like, hard.
I am a mom of one (not by our choice – fertility issues), and it can be rough. My child is CRAZY social, but unless I want to spend every second of my days running around to people’s houses for play dates, or the park, or wherever, she spends a lot of time playing alone. It is really hard – for both of us. Sure, my house is probably cleaner than one with 20 kids running around, but there’s also a feeling that there’s something missing from our home, too. And did I mention that I’m in MOPS? Translation: There are at least a thousand pregnant ladies around me at any given time, on a constant basis. And they all have multiple kids already. Additional translation: Those of us who have struggled with having any more children experience a little gut-punch every time someone announces their good news to the group (especially when they say things like, “Can you believe it? We weren’t even trying!”). And then we walk alongside them during what feels to us like an eternity of pregnancy. Then we donate our time, money, food, etc. to support and love on those around us when they deliver their precious bundles of joy. We’re happy to celebrate with them, but it can be really difficult at times. Having so many of what feels like one-sided relationships can be draining. But we do it because we value the friendships, and the group. And we love the women. (I mean obviously, because we haven’t punched them in the throat yet. The epitome of true friendship right there.)
I don’t take it personally when others ask, because I don’t think that people even think about the struggle it can be to “just” have one. It’s not something that occurs to people. It didn’t occur to me before I “only” had one. But regardless, thank you for understanding, and putting it to words so that others might understand. I have literally never posted a comment on a blog, but couldn’t help myself here. Now I’m off to blog-stalk you for a bit (instead of doing other things that I really should be doing, like, y’know, providing sustenance for the family and whatnot [“I’ll fix dinner in just a minute, y’all… just ONE MORE blog post, promise….”]). Also, I’ma go ahead and mark you down to speak at said MOPS group, mmmmkay? I mean, we could probably find a time that actually works with your schedule and such. We’re nice like that. Plus, we’re in the Dallas area, so it’s basically like we’re just up the street, right? And I promise I won’t punch you in the throat for having 7 kids. 🙂
Heather and Jami – JUST bff’s from here on. ❤️ can’t wait to see you and your mops group!
I am on a roll, I just posted my first ever comment to a blog, and I’m already on a second! But upon reading further I have to thank you for your generosity towards mothers of multiple children that you know! Granted I get irritated with advice from certain sources, I also try not to give unwanted advice, but MOPS groups are the exact appropriate spot for all that advice! As the mother of 4, the oldest of whom just turned 7 and the youngest born in July, I always get everyone telling me how crazy I am to have that many children, which really isnt that many…. but i think their rambunctiousness makes it seem crazier 🙂 However with my most recent pregnancy I really felt the negativity, I had one close friend/relative whom literally did not talk talk to me throughout my entire pregnancy, despite seeing her every week, as she was angry with me and my pregnancy. And unfortunately this really spread to many others i know whom for one reason or another did not yet have children, or had only one or two. For that reason I kept very quiet throughout my pregnancy, and now that my baby girl is here i feel very guilty about that. Perhaps why the overly verbal commenting now…. but again, I want to thank you for your kindness towards all mothers especially given your personal position.
[…] week my inbox was bombarded with praises for “An Open Letter to Mothers of JUST One.” Sweet letters came from mommas who struggled with infertility, miscarriages, and a wealth of other […]
I am a little late to the game on this blog post as I am not typically an avid reader of anything more than headlines as I am a new mother of 4, as my youngest was just born, and where as my first job is to be the best mother I can, my second job also keeps me away from home 40 hours a week. That being said, I do have one thing to say to some other blogging mothers of ‘just one’…. please do not give me advice based on all the lovely things you have read and never yourself experienced. Granted I have one particular individual in my mind when I say this…. but unless you are educated in the matter to a level where others would seek your council (i.e. a doctor, social worker, etc.) and you yourself have only just become a mother…. please do not lecture to me how to manage a busy household, how to keep a clean house, how to feed your picky eater…. when you yourself have not had to tackle any of these ventures (yet!). I am sorry for the tangent, but for my one thing to say, I am not. I have thought about a blog myself, however I worry about the ‘who am i to give advice’ or that I may not have anything to say that hasn’t already been said. However, that said… i thoroughly enjoyed reading the few of your posts that I have had a chance to read! Thank you!
[…] light of this topic, you might also enjoy reading these posts from various perspectives: The Miracle that Answered Many Prayer, I’m Not God’s Favorite (by me) and Blessing in Disguise by Kate Battistelli, An Open […]
[…] You might also like: “When are you due?” and Inflatable Swimming Pool Births and my favorite! An Open Letter to Mothers of Just One: Here is Your Problem […]
I am a mother of two, sadly my first born was killed in a car crash 6 years ago. We moved to a new city last year and I cant tell you how many times a week I get that comment from people. “Just the one?” It’s so hard to have to repeat over and over that my child is dead. Thanks for these alternative responses, I think I’ll try it out sometime..
Oh friend… I am so sorry.