I’m chronically with You: Jesus all Over Everything
I’m chronically with You: Jesus all Over Everything
$8.65
That is what it costs to get the vandals and Sophie fed on a chronically bad morning. And I just I had one. I’ll confess that I am chronically ill. Tomorrow I will chronically deny it and tell you I am fine. Today I admit it. Not as an excuse… It really is a bad day. I am, Chronically fatigued and chronically in pain.
Especially my left second toe.
It hurts so bad that I cannot bear for the sheets or socks to touch it. And I chronically wonder if I am alone. I chronically wonder if I can make it funny. And I chronically wonder if I will feel better tomorrow.
It isn’t funny. I chronically question why I am laughing.
And stupid Facebook, we have a love-hate relationship, chronic flashback notices. A flashback of my first half marathon. Sigh. I have traveled 1,000 miles in 5 years flat on my back. Well, four years. It was a year after that that I tore my calf muscle and plantar fasciitis. And that started my descent into… chronic.
Chronic steroid injections were the first culprit. But it doesn’t matter because here I am.
Chronic.
I am Chronically tired.
Chronically weak.
Yep, Chronically grumpy.
Also, Chronically chubby.
Geez, Chronically Blah.
And I broke up with Americanized Jesus because He wouldn’t help me and then Real Jesus was like, “You need to get a grip and apologize.” And I was all “No.” And I did a small stint giving Buddha a shot but then I felt like I was starting to look like him, complete with chronic belly and chronic hair loss. Then just as quickly as I thought I was getting it… I realized I am chronically in love with Real Jesus. So then, I apologized for being a chronic pain in the butt.
And He chronically reminded me, “I never left…”
Of course, I want to be chronically comfortable. Chronically fit. Chronically energized. I just am not. And, I confess it is cold out. No kidding, I have the chronic metabolism of a Barbie, and the body temperature to match. Most often, I chronically dread the change of seasons. I am chronically told I don’t look sick? And then I get a chronic headache. And all I want to do is sleep and eat processed carbohydrates.
So then, the chronic circle continues.
I feel chronically guilty because it’s not cancer, although at one point they thought it was. Truthfully, I feel chronically sad that I chronically complain. And I am certain some days my family is tired of me.
Yes,
I have been to dozens of doctors and have chronic medical debt. I am chronically told, “Welcome to fat and forty!” Although, if they were listeners, they’d have heard the whole mess started when I was 38. I have sat in my car outside their offices and chronically cursed them.
So I’d love to have a little cheese with my chronic whine, but I can’t have dairy. And who wants cheese if you can’t have a cracker and I am chronically allergic to wheat. I am chronically told what to eat and what not to eat. It is chronically exhausting.
This much I hold true… Jesus is chronic. He is chronically consistent. He is chronically kind. This God, He is chronically helpful. No, He is not hateful. Yes, He is chronically listening. Always, He is chronically patient. Assuredly, He chronically heals.
I believe, He is chronically wonderful.
I may not feel better, but He offers chronic resources.
He fills in the gaps. His yoke is chronically easy, and His burden is chronically light.
In the midst of chronic abdominal cramping, He is near. In the chronically sleepless nights, I call to Him. He chronically reminds me He is my hope.
Tomorrow might be better. I chronically pray it will be. But if it is not, He is enough.
I have friends who deal with chronic depression, chronic pain, and chronic illness. The rally is in our chronic God. He is the beginning and He is the end. There was no promise of life without chronic struggles.
As sure as our three-year-old will chronically say, “hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, wook at me…” 4,987 times today – My God’s mercies chronically reign new.
So I had a chronic meltdown because the song that was playing on my iPod when I finished my first half marathon, “I’m With You…” by Avril Lavigne, came on the radio an hour after my Facebook notice.
I felt like a chronic failure.
One who spends $8.65 on a chronically icky breakfast for her chronically wonderful babies. A chronic flood of memories of when boiled eggs and fresh fruit salad were all that I would feed my precious children for breakfast… on our way to homeschool track. Which we chronically attended.
And I chronically miss my son, who I chronically feel I failed. As I barked at Sophie to hurry and eat her donut so, we won’t be chronically late… I can hear “I’m with you…” in the background.
And they me see cry and chronically apologize. I am certain they will need chronic counseling.
I am chronically confident the counseling sessions will be short. Yes,I will go with them and readily admit it’s my fault.
And I will chronically strive to be better. Then, I will chronically follow my strict regime. Absolutely, I will chronically blog. And yes, I will be chronically honest. I will chronically speak wellness. Yes, I will chronically believe. For this much, I know…
He is chronically with me.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
Tami I hardly know what to say except to say that I am crying. I wrote you a post moments ago where I introduced myself to you and stated that the Organic Mom is what brought me here. The things I stated to you in my post were True. I do have an extreme positive outlook on life etc…etc…etc…but when I was reading your post here about chronic EVERYTHING, it just made me cry. It was as if you had looked into my life and my heart and my SYMPTOMS and placed them onto paper! I know I touched on the fact that I am paralyzed, but my Story is extremely individual, like your story is, and I am sure others with their own story is individual as well. Yet, in the midst of something so unique and individual, what WE go thru, connects us thru our experiences. I have only been on YouTube with my Channel now for about 4 months. And in this time I have not been able to get up the….well, I do not want to call it courage, because I am strong, But, something in my has not allowed me to step up to the plate and allow myself to tell my story. I know down deep what the reason is, its because it hurts to tell it. Because even tho I know that God is in control, and he has allowed me to be paralyzed for his own purpose, and even tho I understand this, talking about it simply hurts. I mean, in literally ONE SINGLE SECOND My entire Life Changed in a mere instant.
So…Why am I crying? Because this is the FIRST Time since 2012, I have seen a Voice To what I have Silently been going Thru, and it makes me feel………It makes me Feel like what YOU have gone thru…..Was meant to be of an encouragement to ME….and I know that God has plans for me, he is already revealing that plan to me…….and now, what I HAVE GONE THRU…… can be an encouragement…..To somebody Else….God Bless You Jami…..This is the MOST Powerful “Testimony” that I have read on the Internet as a Whole, since……well…..SINCE! Thank you for Sharing!! Your Testimony of Your Chronic Life Events, is something that I needed to hear. Its something that I dare say, is something that Many need to hear. Thank you for being Vulnerable. God Willing, I aim to tell my Story, my Full Story, by video on YouTube as God shows me his perfect time for such a Tale to be Tolled. May God be Glorified in ALL Our Endeavours, Amean
Its so nice to meet you Jami 🙂 It is my intentions on becoming apart of your Facebook Group! Please send me a Facebook Request To Join. Unless you have a different way for me to Join. You can find me on Facebook under my regular page of: SHELLY COLE…..or under my Facebook Page that is connected to my YouTube Channel: KNOW WHAT MOM KNOWS.
Thanks so very much!
KNOW WHAT MOM KNOWS
Shelly Cole
AKA Mom 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/c/KnowWhatMomKnows
Oh! I am speechless. I am so glad you were touched by that piece. It was hard to write and I think some of my readers were confused – I don’t talk about it often. Bless you. I will add you to the Hopelively group from my computer. ❤️ thank you so much Shelly. God Bless you.
I understand why they were confused, I do, cause unless a person has LIVED This kind of Chronic Life, they have absolutely no clue how it feels. I have learned too that it matters not what YOU have chronically wrong with you about, or what I do….at the end of the day, chronic problems and pain FEEL the same. That is why I can relate to you and I am sure you can relate to me. Thanks for allowing me to join your group!! I am MORE Than humbled to the invite that I got from That Organic Mom, even tho it was to the WHOLE Internet….lol, the way it was presented, thru what she said about it, and from your written words within your blog….It felt VERY Personal. Thanks again, I will pop in and say my HELLO a bit later in the week. I totally am looking forward to it 🙂
God Bless you with the Joy of the Lord Jami!!!
Shelly
Hi Jami,
And yes … so much more that we could have connected on at Declare. All I can say is, “me, too!”. From one runner to another, life just stopped. And most don’t understand. “You look great!” (other than the extra 20-pounds accumulated while eating gluten free, starch free, and sugar free – how IS that possible?) These last few months my teen started getting sick, too. I didn’t get it. How is this possible? But last week we found mold in our home. I have new hope that it is the cause. I don’t know for sure. But they think it’s highly possible. Construction starts next week. Praying even more because I can’t bear to see my boy hurt now, too.
Blessings,
Lori
Oh my gosh! Thank goodness you found it! Praying.
I am chronically thankful for this Jami and am chronically right there with you with my MS – as I look at my karate trophies from another life. God Bless us all on our chronic journeys. ❤❤
Bless you love.
❤️❤️❤️
I wanted to say “thank you.” We’ve never met and yet in reading your post, I feel we have. Walls keep closing in around me…pictures and moments of who I was and wanted to be. One wall…a mirror reflects my face and future changed…my potential gone. one day I hope to find new hopes.
wishing you the peace, healing, compassionate interdependence and self-dependence you deserve.
Praying for you….
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