An Open Letter to Me….

Hey.

Me?

Yes, you.

You’re going to be committed if you let them see the psychosis of me talking to myself, myself answering, and you getting to watch what unfolds.

I promise, I was getting up at 5:00.I  I was going to spend a little time with Jesus.  Then I was going to workout, shower, start a load of laundry, put dinner in the crockpot, have coffee, while I blog. I was going to do this all before 8:00 am.

Right.
What? I totally was.

And instead?

It’s 6:45 am and I just woke up and I have already had two cups of coffee, and…

If you just woke up how have you had two cups of coffee?

I am a fast drinker, be quiet. And… I am blogging about how I have to stop setting lofty goals to impress myself.

Impressive.

Thank you.

So what stops you from meeting these lofty goals that only impress me or in this case depress yourself?

Well, I think it is just life. The two-year-old came in at 4:30 wanting juice, “cwackers” and the television on so he could watch “woket.” Which is Little Einsteins.

You don’t have to explain it to me, I am you.

Right. So, I thought I was up for the duration and so… you turned off my alarm.  And slept. When I did wake up and realized what time it was you started badgering me about what a loser I am.

 I thought that was you???

Whatever, we, being me, started badger me about what a loser we are.

You need counseling.

I know. So, I had this bright idea.

I have no choice but to listen.

We are not off on the right foot according to that which we, or I imposed on us. But what if… we, being me, roll with that.

I’m listening.

What if, we take this Monday morning on in a whole new way?  What if we get to stuff when we get to it. Write, writing assignments with the vandals, the two and four-year-old.

I am fully cognizant of who the vandals are, our slippers have toothpaste in them.

Right.  Two hours on the manuscript, walk tonight while Sophie is at dance and just kind of chillax.

Chillax??? What year is it, 1984?

Shut up. I think we, or  I am being so hard on me all the time. And we, I just finished a chapter on slowing down and soaking up Jesus. And He is available to me all the time! I don’t have to get up long before the sun is up and force a relationship with Him. I don’t have to kill myself and then beat myself up when it is not perfect. We, or I am starting every day off on the wrong foot, beating me up over a standard that is easily blown out of the water when the baby blows out a diaper or when one of the vandals will only eat blue things today that spell his name.

Speaking of, kudos on the blue food coloring in the mashed potatoes. That was a great idea.

Thank you, but the blue eggs?

Less than appetizing. 

Yeah icky. So? I am thinking of a whole new Jami. One that has a “tentative” schedule, where I have a list of goals but no exact timeline, so that I am not constantly beating myself up and feeling guilty. What do you think?

I think you need counseling.

Ok, but otherwise?

I think that you might be on to something, but I have known you a very long time, like 45 years.

I won’t be 45 for another month.

Whatever, I think that you are wired a certain way and that you make schedules and lists and that God knows that about you. I think, in principle, it is a good idea, or when you aren’t able to stick by it – you’ll have another reason to gripe at me about how guilty you feel.

Good point.

So, a resolve to be less uptight and exhausting about being less uptight and exhausting? And get counseling.

Hmph.

Well, at least make your new list with no timeline and see how your new Monday goes.

Where are you going?

You make the list, I am going to get more coffee, and google counselors.

Ok, have a good Monday!
You too Jami, you adorable lunatic you! Geez, she needs counseling.

I heard that.

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained! Love, Jami and Jami

For one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, and to another the word of knowledge according to the same Spirit. 1 Corinthians 12:8

The voices in your head might like: this post on expectations and victories!