Miraculous Hiney Healing, Waiting, and Other Mysteries

I didn’t want to tell you this.

The thing is, I am a firm believer in the power of prayer.  I will pray for you, please pray for me.

Early in my writing career, which was about three years ago because I am still early in my writing career, I wrote a post that invoked venom and praise.

Honestly, they don’t call me “Sunshine Rain” for nothing.

So, the post, “Please Stop Praying for Me REALLY Hard,” was my observation about the flippancy by which we, us American Christians, toss out prayer requests, praise, and frankly, nonsense, on social media for all the world to see.

Listen, the thing is, I have people I love, that do not believe in the Jesus I adore.  Almost always, their reasons for rejecting this faith, are the humans that mutilate it.  And yes, I have done the same.

And I want you to understand, I make the same mistakes we have all made.  Truly, I have been wounded by people just like me, who meant to do no harm, and yet, I and they did just that.

That was probably a Grammar faux pau of epic proportions. Still, I type on.

That statement, “I am praying for you REALLY hard,” manifests an image in my mind of you bear down, like you’re giving birth.  To the same accord, “We are trying REALLY hard to get pregnant.”

Yeah, don’t say that.

Because, darn it if I didn’t just picture you doing this private act of conception, and I can’t unsee it.

But the stuff we shouldn’t say, well, it went viral on multiple occasions.  You can google “Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying,” if you ever need to find me.

Which brings me to this post, a post where I am going to say something, I told you not to say.

Here goes: I had a miraculous hiney healing.

Yes, I know, it is preposterous.  Not to be confused with posterior, which is where the miracle took place.   About 3 weeks ago, I broke my tailbone.  I could use the rest of this post to describe in grave detail how much this hurt, but I won’t waste your time.

Just for the record, it was excruciating.

And I was completely hobbled.  I have just come out of a dark season of depression and grief, and this hiccup left me physically and emotionally, “butt-hurt,” for lack of a better description. While trying to record an episode of my Podcast with Co-host Rebecca Huff of That Organic Mom, she finally yelled “CUT!”

I was listless, pale, and without humor or joy.  Rebecca encouraged me to rest, and we would try again later.  In the hours before the recording, I had learned my best friend of 20 plus years was told she had lung cancer.  Two other friends were in the throes of horrific marital duplicities, and I was in crushing pain.

Rebecca offered to pray for me.  No, not REALLY hard, just pray.  I took a time out to vomit from the concentrated agony, and I cried all the way to Target.

What?  You’re never too hurt to go to Target.

When I returned home, I walked into the kitchen without so much as a limp.  Without thinking, I bent to collect laundry.

Stunned, I bent again.  And then, I did it again and again and again.

Honestly, this post doesn’t do this justice.  If only you had seen or heard me, I could better express how truly scandalous this was.

Justin, my husband, backed up against the wall as if I was on fire. “What are you doing?  Why can you bend over?”

Only two hours before the poor man had to tie my shoes, for I could not bend without seeing stars and also, vomiting.

So, I did it again.  And this time, I cried for the relief.

“Maybe it was just a pinched nerve?” Justin expressed.

“No,” and I pulled down the waistband of my jeans to reveal my fleshy hips, that still looked like someone had taken a sledgehammer to them.

“No,” he winced. “Not a pinched nerve.”

“Has my hiney been miraculously healed?” I begged.

Justin backed further away from me, honestly, terrified, and said, “Does it have to be a katookis healing? Can you ask Him to give you that back?  I’ll go buy a lottery ticket!”

I love that weird man.

“NO! It’s not a magic trick or Genie in a lamp!  JUSTIN!  MY HINEY IS HEALED!?!?!?!”

Immediately, I called Rebecca, and she busted out, “GET ON FACEBOOK AND TELL EVERYONE!!!!!”

Indignant, I refused.

Cancer, marriages ending, financial troubles, wayward teens, struggling learners, deployed enlisted-babies, homelessness, need I go on?

No, I wouldn’t tell anyone of this hiney healing.

And if I am, to be honest, I was more mad and very sad that my hiney was healed.

So, alone that night in my prayer chair, I stared at Stolen Jesus, incensed.

“Dude, have you gone mad?  What is this thing?  You have provided me this grand opportunity to share freedom, I don’t understand.  Give it back.  Right now!  Make it hurt again.  I will trade you this for my friend to be cancer free.  I will exchange this healing for marriages to be fixed, and hearts to be mended.”

Seriously, you don’t have to believe me, I won’t blame you if you don’t. But I sobbed.  This is exactly the thing I am against.  Telling you my hiney is healed is one of the hardest things I have ever written.

The pain did not return.

Greater, Jesus gave me the words I needed to tell you, I had a miraculous hiney healing.

[bctt tweet=”The hardest thing I have ever written… I had a miraculous hiney healing. ” quote=”The hardest thing I have ever written… I had a miraculous hiney healing. “]

Those words, words that took me about two weeks to compose are simply this; we serve a good and just God.

Truly, I believe, this mysterious God, loves you.

And, friend, He hears you.

Of the greatest injustices in the walk of belief, is the idea this God makes a lick of sense.  Truly, let me never become so wise in my understanding that I might try to explain to you how to “get” Him.  Heaven forbid, my ways or His revelations to me are EVER imposed on what He has specifically for you, His baby.

Honestly, I cannot explain, of all the prayers I have prayed, why He did this thing for me.  He moves how He moves, and He saves how He saves. And, I do believe He has the purest and most gentle reasons for this.

Foremost in my testimony, I believe He is good.

Second, to that, I believe He loves us each so greatly, He would have been crucified to die, even if it was just for me, or just for you.

And as I sit, without any pain or discomfort, before Him now, Stolen Jesus, this beautiful Christ, I do not know what your prayer is, but He does. And I believe, He loves you.  Again I say to you, I believe He hears you.  I write this bearing my whole hiney, in my faults and weakness, in my answered prayers, unanswered prayers, and in my waiting… I still believe.

Although I cannot make you, I pray we never grow weary in seeking Him.

May we never fear to question His ways, for to question is to learn and grow in our adoration and understanding.

In the days that followed the miraculous hiney healing, my friend was cleared of cancer.  Another’s marriage was given a second chance.  While another, signed her divorce decree. And then,  I received three emails from readers with horrendous trials, trials that brought me to my knees in grief and prayer.

He moves how He moves, and He saves how He saves.

Today all that I can say for certain is this… it is well with me… and my black and blue hiney.

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained!  Love, Jami

Let us not become weary in prayer, but help us remember that at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)

You might also like:  Plan B: My Baby Ishmael When God Forgets

Listen in!  Our latest podcast Waiting!  The Longest Red Light

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Links mentioned in the show:

Medicinal Mushrooms

How To Buy a Mattress You’ll Love

Journey to Beautiful by Melanie Treadway