thief of comparison

The Thief of Comparison: Living Your Own Life

This is an excerpt from my new book!  Sacred Ground Sticky Floors released on October 2, 2018!!!!  Check out the GIVEAWAY BELOW!!!  AND SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!


I sat across from the broken couple and listened to their apprehensions. I didn’t know them well, but I was honored to answer their questions about the adoption process. The woman held a worried-worn piece of paper that was covered, front and back, in questions. Her voice cracked with the ache of an empty womb. Infertility is not an issue I have dealt with. I can only imagine the depths of this hurt. And this woman was in pain. Finally, she broke.

“I just wanted so much to experience the natural aspects of becoming a mother,” she said.

This precious woman has the heart of a mother.

Her desire to nurture and care for another human being was a passionate expression of how well she loves. I told her I was sorry. As a biological and adoptive mother, I wanted her to know two things. First, the most unnatural thing that has ever happened to my body is pregnancy and childbirth. Second, the most beautiful, birthing experience of my life had been adoption.

“When you are handed your first child,” I told her, “this journey will start to make sense to you. When you are handed your second or third, the mystery will further unravel. God knows the cries of your heart, and He will answer with children that He chose for you. I teased, “Biology is actually a pretty simple form of becoming a parent. You will become a mother in the same design that God has chosen us as sons and daughters: adoption.”

She was comparing herself to the other women she saw, and felt that if she couldn’t give birth the same way they did, she was somehow less than. Thoughts such as Why can’t I do things this way? Everyone else is doing it! leave us broken and depleted. Our journeys, unique as each of us, have to be trusted to a God who fully loves.

At the heart of so many women’s grief and struggle is the enemy of comparison.

She can have children. I can’t.

She can breastfeed. I can’t get my son to latch on.

She gave birth naturally. I had to have a C-section.

These are words that leave us depleted and feeling less than loved by the Father who adores us. The pain caused by these harmful words—even the words that don’t travel any farther than our minds—is real, and their power continues to amaze me. Here, before we’ve barely become mothers, we start looking around and finding ourselves wanting.

Worse, we look around and find others wanting. While feeling “less than” in some areas, we’re happy to stand in judgment of people in others. Take the birthing process, for instance. If you want to experience the wrath of the internet, try telling it what you think about the best way to deliver a baby.

I’ve given birth “naturally,” I didn’t like anything about it. On a scale of one to ten, my pain threshold is a negative nine. I gauge a paper cut at an eight. And what part of “positive strep throat culture” doesn’t warrant a morphine drip? Childbirth? It hurts. That pain is real. Epidural? Sign me up!

But my opinions are about what worked for me. So even though I think the idea of birthing children into an inflatable swimming pool in your living room is unnatural—and I can say that because inflatable swimming pools do not occur in nature—it’s not up to me.

Whatever floats your afterbirth.

We were created as individual daughters, and my preference does not have to be yours. Birth that baby where you want to. Do what you will with your placenta—freeze-dry it, make it into a hat, whatever. That is your prerogative. But let us allow others to live out their calling and the plans the Lord has for them.

P.S. Since the completion of the book, the couple above has finalized the adoption of a newborn baby boy. Never lose hope. God hears you, friend. He is near.

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May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained!  Love, Jami

John 21:22 (NIV) Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Giveaway!!!!  Drawing for a Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors Prize Package!!!  PRE-Order Sacred Ground Sticky Floors HERE between 9/17/2018-9/30/2018, email proof of purchase (a screenshot of your confirmation) to and you’ll be entered to win:

1 autographed copy of Stolen Jesus

1 autographed copy of Katie M. Reid’s Made like Martha

1 Sacred Ground Sticky Floors coffee mug

1 $25 Starbucks Gift Card

AND!!! A $134 Lush Cosmetics Luxury Relax Bath Package

A prize package valued at $210!!!!!

*drawing closes at midnight CST 9/30/2018 shipping to the Continental USA only.  Multiple entries allowed.  Submit proof of purchases via screenshot with a confirmation number.  No cash option. Prizes to be shipped by October 4, 2018.



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  1. […] The memory is still fresh.  I sat at my dressing table preparing a variety of cosmetic bags with blushes, glosses, powders, and potions, our youngest son, one of two “vandals” that rule my home, inquired, “Mommy, are you going bye-bye?” […]

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