Stuff I Wish You’d Stop Saying: Mom, Are you Awake?

Stuff I Wish You’d Stop Saying: Mom, Are you Awake?

In our house, there are a number of ways to wake Justin and me. Screaming your head off for, yet another, bottle in the middle of the night or even pooping your pants is very effective. Our teenage sons like to watch horror flicks and cook bacon and sing, loudly, at all hours of the night. I can go to bed with a spotless kitchen and wake to find it in shambles. One time they made a turkey. Like roasted an entire turkey, I had bought it for a potluck. They roasted it, after 10 pm, and ate it. Actually, in all fairness, I slept through that.

Another effective means of waking us, which is my least favorite, is when one of the teen boys comes and stands at the foot of the bed. The “boys” are 6’3, their silhouettes look like full grown men standing there in the dark. 100 years ago they’d have been land owners with six kids of their own: but nowadays they stay at home and eat and terrorize their mommy.

When they do this and you wake to this frightening sight, you fully believe you are about to be killed by an ax murdered. There’s no going back to sleep after they pull that one. The giant man-children also like to wrestle on the second story, above our heads. Which sounds like the house will fall down. Sometimes, when they are up late, roasting things, they wrestle in the kitchen. This sounds like a bar fight.

I love that bit.
I would have to say my favorite method of being awakened from a deep sleep is the texting method. This method is very intriguing because all four of the “original” kids begin these nighttime texts with:

“are you awake?”
11:30 pm Maggie: are you awake? You won’t believe who just texted me!?!?!?
12:45 am Sophie: are you awake? You won’t believe what just happened!!??
1:55 am Luke: are you awake? My braces are killing me!
4:00 am John: are you awake? I need help typing my paper.

I do not know what these people think I am doing? It fascinates me. Do they think I am sitting up waiting for their texts? Perhaps just getting home from the bar? Do they take time out from their late night schedules to picture me stumbling home in fishnet tights and teased bangs? Or maybe… they think I am out fighting crime? Like Wonder Woman? And I can use my invisible airplane to get back here speedy quick to be at their beck and call? I actually have something to tell you, children. I am, in fact, asleep.

Truth is, I like sleep.

Biology begs, I need sleep.

I want more of it.

And I assume each person reading this wonders why I don’t put my phone on “do not disturb.” And I will tell you. First of all, we are on call for a foster placement. They can call at any time and we want to be available. But the second reason is for the general safety of our family. Once, when we had just got a special needs foster placement and we knew we would not be getting a call I did turn on the do not disturb function.

So, the next morning I turned my phone on to this:

John: Are you awake?
Luke: Are you awake?
John: Mom!!!!!!!
Luke: Mom, are you awake? Where is the fire extinguisher?
John: Mom where is the fire extinguisher it’s an emergency!
Luke: MOM!!! What is the number for 911??? Hello???
John: NVM, it’s too late….

And indeed, it was too late. Needless to say, I keep my phone on during the night. Still, I might point out to my children that they should just kind of count on me being asleep after 9:00, they can skip the “are you awake?” Let’s not mince words. I am asleep. It will save them and me time. Just ask what you need to ask and let’s move on to getting back to sleep.

I love you each. Goodnight. Mom

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet…” Proverbs 3:24 (someday…)

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami

You simply must read: Three things every Christian must quit saying!


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