31 Days Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: Day 6 “When will you have children?”
When will you have children?
I think as a general rule we should answer this question with this statement: “Stay out of my womb.”
You may be getting tired of me saying this, but it’s my blog and you’re not the boss of me so, I am going to say it:
Your identity is in Christ. Not your children, or lack there of. But I wanted to speak to you first, both women who wish to be mommas and women who do not feel that motherhood is their calling. Print this out as your hall pass:
STAY OUT OF MY WOMB!
Stay out of my sex life. Stay out of my marriage. Stay out of my womb.
Now that you have the hall pass lets talk about why. If you’ll recall on Day 1 of Stuff to Stop Saying we talked about how personal it is to ask some questions. We naturally assume that young couples want to conceive. Many do, many do not. God’s calling on each of our lives is SPECIFIC to us. How amazing is that? Of all the billions of people in the world – He dwells in us, calls us out to do good works, as His hands and feet. And if He who is in you has not called you to be a mommy – that is between you and God. You owe no one an explanation.
God will meet you where you are – seek Him. And to the rest of the world – stay out of my womb.
And if you do want to be a mom? If you are struggling to conceive or have conceived and miscarried, having to explain this to pedestrians that ask, “When will you have children?” is like toothpicks under your fingernails. I feel certain that if you are reading this you would never intentionally hurt someone – so stop asking, “When will you have children?” Stay out of her womb.
I had an unusual experience. I miscarried one twin and carried the other to term. Agony and ecstasy. And I remember that the miscarried baby was disregarded by my general community. “Thank God you didn’t really miscarry…”
Um, yeah I did?
Or “At least it was early.”
Um, no, I was pregnant with two humans. One of them is gone. And we wanted that human to be a part of our lives.
These statements, although it wasn’t the intention, wounded me. I feel strongly this is why we should let the life-giver do the talking. It is unfair to her to assume she feels her loss the way you are wording it. Another scenario I can remember was my friend, Abby, every time she became pregnant she miscarried in the 5th or 6th month. It was terrible. And people would inquire, “When will you try again?”
Abby wasn’t trying out for the Olympics? She was growing a human being! She didn’t miss the mark, she wasn’t too slow, and she didn’t stumble at the finish line. She lost her child. She is a life-giver.
So for those of you that are listening, let’s just stop asking this question.
And in all fairness friends, if you are trying to conceive, let’s stop saying, “We are trying really hard to get pregnant.” Cause we just pictured that, and that’s not good for anyone.
All this to be said, I hope you have a lovely day! Speak good things.
“My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.” Psalm 49:3
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
This post is dedicated to my sisters in Christ, Carrie and Lauren. The Lord knows the desires of your heart. You are in my prayers. May your cups runneth over.