stuff I wish god made

Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: God Made Me Do It

It has been a hot minute since I did a “Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying” post.  But here we are with Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: God Made Me Do It

If you are new to my writing, here is the 411.  I wrote a blog post on my phone, whilst holding a drug-addicted foster love at a dance recital on September 24th, 2015.  It was a rant about our society and my hopes for my children.  At the time, I assumed the 60 people that regularly read my blog would be the same 60 people that would read that post.  

I was wrong about that. 

An Open Letter to My Children: You’re Not That Great, has been read a couple of million times.  

Because of that post, on September 26th, 2015, my birthday, I received a call from a literary agent who signed me and landed me a two-book deal a few months later.  Her advice to me at the time was… don’t be a one-hit-wonder, enter this challenge, Write 31 Days.  It was a blogger challenge to write a post every day in October with a recurring theme.  

The trouble was I couldn’t think of a theme.  

And then, I got an email from a disgruntled reader of an Open Letter, who wished me dead via a violent means. I think it was death by beating with a baseball bat, in front of my children.  She signed the email, “Your Sister in Christ…”  And Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying was born.  

Besides threatening a mommy blogger with bludgeoning and then wishing her blessed among women, the stuff I wish you’d quit saying sayings had a couple of viral posts, like the Vomit Blog, You’re Sister In Christ, A. Butthead, and Fresh Hate and Jesus FIsh, just to name a few.  

To date, I can stand by a lot of them. Truly, if you are vomiting and I see you in public and you say, “Yeah, we have been up all night vomiting,” you are dead to me.  The current pandemic rules should ALWAYS apply to those who have a stomach bug.  I am not a prophet, but I have been telling you for 5 years, stay home, wear a mask, and stay 6-600 miles apart from humanity if you are vomiting.  

Y’all think I am being funny, but if a person has half a dozen children and you say to her, “we have been up all night vomiting, but the kids didn’t want to miss church,” you have ruined that woman’s life. Even Jesus thinks you are the worst.  And He likes everybody.  Which brings me to this anniversary post, now celebrating three books, a fourth in the works, a kajillion words, a few million reads, interviews, successes, failures, losses, gains, child launches, moves, friendships, the end of friendships, and the ultimate gift, Grace.  

When I wrote the first Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying post, I didn’t know about Grace.

If you don’t, and you spend some time on my blog, you can witness the unraveling.  Better, you can see a woman steeped in offense and disgust fall into the arms of the Real Jesus.  

I am here to testify, He is not out to get you, whip you into shape, punish you, beat you into submission, or break you so that you will love Him.  He died so you would win in everything, He is for you and with you.  Jesus is just good. He is all you need.  And while I have some trouble agreeing with Him on this one thing, there is no but in a good “I love you,” He’s right about that.  And, that means, even if you expose a family of 8 to the stomach bug, His response is not, “I love you, but don’t spread the plague.”  No, His response is “I love you… still.” 

All this said, I saw a meme today that said, “People who betray you are part of God’s plan to show you His goodness and bring you closer to Him.”

It had an unreasonable amount of likes, loves, and shares.  The common comment on the post was, “AMEN!” followed by a bunch of “Wow, I really needed this today!”  

There was a stirring in my spirit, and the snark began to storm.  And now I am back with Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: God Made Me Do It

MY LANTA!  Who is this monstrous beast of a God we pay homage to? 

No wonder people don’t like Christians and would rather eat glass chips and salsa with a hair in it than convert to a religion where the followers believe that their god is a complete lunatic?

Beloveds, can we take a sec and break down a god that “makes” one of his children be a Judas so his other children can suffer and make him look great?  So say a woman with 4 young children finds out her husband of 15 years cheated on her with his secretary. Are you wanting to explain to her that her hurt was a manifestation by the god who created her so she would like that creator more?

Furthermore, how does God pick a favorite like this?

I am picturing Him floating on a cloud and St. Peter wafts by with a stack of cards and says, “Hey God, pick one.”  And God pulls a card from the deck and says, “It’s Larry Williams of Jasper.”  And Peter says, “Cool, we don’t like him very much anyway.”  So God raises his mighty finger and sends a bolt of Sith Lord Palpatine electric current down to earth and zap fries Larry into an adulterer.  

And Peter cheers, “Nailed him!” God laughs a booming laugh and says, “it’s all good, I would never give his bride, Lois more than she can handle. Rage on Lois, that was just a ‘god thing.’”

This God is not playing a video game called, “Your Life at My Mercy So You Will Love Me.”  He doesn’t press the blue button and send cupid’s arrow or a lottery win and the red button to infect you with a brain tumor. 

Believing that God is playing Russian Roulette with our lives is the most exhausting of belief systems. 

Blaming Jesus for His monster glory is no glory at all, I wish you’d quit blaming God.  

And yes, He works all things for good and our restoration.  But He gave us free will.  He didn’t give us partial will with the disclaimer, “unless I like you more or less and then… I will show you how good I am.”

That is madness, Lovely.   

Fishing for men with GOOD NEWS isn’t a slide of hand parlor trick. It really is Good News.  If a man is a lousy cheater, who won’t pay child support and has sweat stains and gum disease, he wasn’t cursed with that so you will need God.  He chose that, God likes Him too.  He wants more for that son, just as He wants more for the darling who fell victim to the cheater’s cheating. 

We choose.  And we can pick wrong.  Still, He loves.  

I wish people knew.  But even if they don’t, don’t blame Jesus for not picking them for something better.  Instead, pray for those who hurt you. He will deal with them as any good parent would.  Not by commanding they get hit by a bus, that is just Karma or forgetting to look both ways before you cross.  No, He will wait for their return, draw them gently to their knees, call them by name, and make a new way. 

Unless of course, they are actively spreading the stomach flu, then… may He have mercy on their soul.  

Jesus be all over you.  Love, J

Read the Vomit Blog here!

Check out my books here!

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  1. Michelle on September 22, 2020 at 5:31 am

    Now THIS I can Amen to! Fabulous post…I admit, some days I fall deep into the rabbit hole of “Thanks, God, like You didn’t think I’d suffered enough already…soooo great to have a new kick in the teeth”, all said sarcastically of course. But yes, we have free will, and we can free will ourselves up and outta that hole and back on solid ground, with Grace…and some awesome new shoes to walk the path. Stop wearing stilettos when you just want to wear flats I say…make that walk on Your path comfy and feel Gods love and gentle guidance hold your hand along the way. There WILL be rabbit holes…you have free will to step over, around, or jump on in again. Either way, Jesus loves you and will hug out the bobos if you need later.

  2. LAUREN Koepf SPARKS on September 22, 2020 at 9:29 am

    This is what I can count on from you. Truth with a huge side of humor. Thank you.

  3. Carolyn Mercer on September 22, 2020 at 1:51 pm

    So much truth. I am amazed at what some people say to a grieving brother or sister… in the Name of Jesus. People, just stop. Sit awhile and listen instead of throwing out some placating phrases and using Jesus as your reason! Be kind.

  4. Nancy P on September 24, 2020 at 9:31 am

    Thanks Jami! Too many times we go down a hole and rather than recognize that we’re in a hole, we start to decorate it! Lol, well, maybe if I hang some cute curtains….

  5. Glenna McKelvie on September 24, 2020 at 11:55 am

    Yes… simply yes. God doesn’t break your oven on Thanksgiving to teach you a lesson.. God didn’t break your oven at all. (Although, he may very well answer your prayers of “Show me what to fo with this 23 pound raw turkey!”). God is good!!!

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