Posts Tagged ‘funny’
Dear Spelling List: the Myth, the Legend, the Beast
Dear Spelling List: the Myth, the Legend, the Beast There you are. Truly, you never change, you with your pious phonetical rubbish, except when you throw out some random silent P. What is that? I imagine if you were to answer me, you would give some easy response. But I know you so well. I…
Read More“Natural” Childbirth: Anniversary Edition
I am old. This is what the new batch of our babies have to look forward to. They have an old mom. And she’s way behind the times. They will to go school with kids that were birthed into swimming pools… In their living rooms! Y’all can’t fathom, this will be a generation of children…
Read MoreTHE STUFFING: Truth, Tradition, Carbs
THE STUFFING: Truth, Tradition, Carbs Its increase is legend. It can be too dry… worse still, too moist. It can go in the bird, however, if no caution is taken this method can quickly ruin every Thanksgiving from now until forever. You only have to get Salmonella at one Thanksgiving Day feast to #neverforget. This…
Read MoreStuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: When is the last time they had a bath?
Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: When is the last time they had a bath? I don’t know. What month is it? I am not a bad mom. I consider myself an adequate mom. I think I will get a mug: “World’s Most Adequate Mom.” And I do love the smell of freshly bathed, lotioned,…
Read MoreDear Netflix, Stop Asking Me…
Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying… Dear Netflix, I originally was going to post an open letter to you about how much I hate when you stop my show and ask me, “Are you still watching this?” To be honest, I found it condescending. I am an adult. I’ll decide when I have mindlessly watched Parks…
Read MoreThe Meet the Teacher Fallacy
It is that time of year, time to meet the teacher. I am not pro-homeschool, public, private, co-op, military (best money we ever spent), charter, un or free range. The way I see it, you do what ya gotta do. And I have tried them all. This year our daughter will graduate from college. She…
Read MoreMy Kid is a Jerk – But I am a Good Mom
Mom life. I have paced and stewed and cried and thrown up. But after a hot shower, a glass of wine, 4 gluten-free cake pops, and half a Xanax I am prepared to go there. Let’s do this. I love being a mom… 72.3% of the time it’s a good gig. I am a yeller,…
Read MoreMy Cups Runneth Over…
Wow. You are very subtle. Not really, I know you know there is marinara on my right breast. Just above the chocolate stain from last week. And I know you know I know you looked at it and can’t seem to stop looking at it. I am not a slob. This is how I am…
Read MoreDon’t Pick Me…
Have you seen the ridiculous Vagisil commercial where the woman walks up to a group of her “friends” and they visibly shun her because of her feminine odor? I am including the link below. Is this what the media really thinks goes on among women? And if so, the media is merely comprised of 7…
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