single momma

Single Momma, I Wanted You to Know

Single Momma, I Wanted You to Know

I am not single.

I have been married for 26 years.  This actually surprises me.  Not because I don’t love my husband, but because, he still puts up with me.  The thing is, I am pretty high maintenance.  Wait, that sounded a bit muted.

I am very high maintenance.

Also, I am not a feminist, although, my daughter tells me that I am because feminist doesn’t mean I am burning my bra or refusing to shave my armpits. Truly, I can think of no insurgency where I wouldn’t shave my legs and underarms, every time I get wet.

I digress.

My oldest informed me that feminist is someone who wants good for all the feminine species.

And if that is the case, then yes, I am a feminist.

You, single mom, I want good for you.

I have entered a season in my parenting journey where I am constantly aware of single motherhood.  I am on high alert. Honestly, I think of you more often than I ever have.  Granted, my entire ministry is all about women, mommas, women who wish they were mommas, mommas of mommas, and frankly, all the mommas.

But the single mommas, well, I wanted you to know, I see you.

Yesterday, my two young sons woke at 5 am.  I am hard pressed to get them out of bed on any weekday morning.  But on Saturdays, they can hear a cock crow 500 miles away, and that rooster calls to them loudly… “MARIO-A- CART-KADOO! MARIO-A- CART-KADOO!”

My husband is out of town, again.  I am certain this is why I am most cognizant to the plight of the single mother.  No, I do not pretend to fully understand.  Justin will be back, God please let that be true.  And he will be back with a healthy paycheck.  He will fix the mysterious “beep” I cannot locate, and he will manage the trash I didn’t take to the curb.

But, since he is gone, again, I was up at 5 am, facing a long Saturday, parenting alone.  And this is why, I am up now thinking of you, single momma.

Up at 5 am, already running on empty, I managed fights, cleaned, planned meals, and did all of the things, alone.  Later in the day, entirely spent, I got my bath, put on my pajamas, and ordered the children to do the same.

They balked, “what about dinner?”

I barked, “I fed you dinner?!?”

The volleyed, “That was lunch?”

And I noticed the clock.  It was 4:30 in the afternoon.

I ordered pizza, a luxury not everyone can afford.

At 5:15 my daughter came running to my room, “Sam’s having an allergic reaction to something!”

My seven-year-old son’s eyes were swollen shut and he was covered in hives. Moments later, the four-year-old came waddling into my room, bowlegged.  “I pooped my pants!  I tried to go!  And then it went without me!”

Bless, a side effect of antibiotics for a yet another ear infection.

With one boy in the shower and the other soaking in an oatmeal bath, I threw on my shoes and coat and headed to the pharmacy.  Alone in my car, I thought of you, single momma.

You, who does this kind of madness alone, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Because of you, I fought back exhausted tears and did all the things with as much “chin-up” power I could muster.

I prayed for you all the way to the pharmacy.

And I want you to know, single momma, I see you.

Furthermore, I am utterly in awe.

Doing all the things, all the time takes something. Something I know goes on without applaud.

So, I wanted you to know, single momma, I see you.

I see the monotony, and I am amazed at how you do it.

And, I see the devotion and I am simply captivated by how deeply you love.

Later, as I looked desperately for that blasted “beep,” I thought about the frustration you must often feel.  If all the mechanics of home life fell on me alone, well, bravo. I could not do all you do.

For what it is worth, tonight, I see you single momma.

Then, as I piled pizza boxes on the pile of trash I didn’t take to the corner, I thought about you.  The strength and energy it takes to make sure all the trash makes it the corner, every single time.  Next, I thought of the nights you wanted to order pizza, and couldn’t because all the finances fall, just on you.

For what it is worth, tonight, I prayed for you, single momma.

With breakfast dishes still in the sink, clean pajamas on sick people, and trash left for my husband to deal with, I crawled into bed, wonderstruck by you, single momma.

To you, who must run all the errands, mend all that is broken, balance every budget, manage every detail, for what it is worth, I see you.

And I wanted you to know, my God sees you too.

Yes, He sees you when you tuck them in, and He knows, this is so hard.

I talked to Him, alone in my bed about the patience you have and the perseverance.  The determination, wow, if no one has mentioned it, you are remarkable.

Truly,  I lay restless in my bed, I counted the hours I might sleep, and I thought about you. You, who doesn’t get a single Sunday off.  And I pondered what it would be like to manage work, worship, child care, grocery shopping, doctor visits, laundry, home maintenance, and intestinal distress from uninsured antibiotics. So, I wanted you to know, I thought of you, single momma.

Whether you have the energy to believe me or not, you are seen… and heard.

Furthermore, I know, it is beyond thankless, without reward, you do all the things, all the time, and to me, this is just outstanding.

So, I wanted you to know, you are seen.

I pray all your needs are met.

Therefore,  if it matters, I hope you know you are admired.

However, as I composed this, I also realized this may go unread. Because honestly, I don’t know how you keep your eyes open to read a blog post.

But just in case you do, I wanted you to know, I see you.  Single momma, who is weary, frustrated, worried, tired, lonely, and run down, you are seen.

And this is most important, I hope you know, you are heard.

[bctt tweet=”Beyond thankless, without reward, you do all the things, all the time, and to me, this is just outstanding. #singlemom” username=”httpstwittercomjamiamerine”]

I choose to believe your prayers are loudest.  And I can’t help but think, He is so grateful for your diligence and tender mercies, He hears you  and is most quick to advance you.

Dear single momma, you walk in the favor of the Lord.  He is for you and with you.  And, He will not leave or forsake you.  He has plans for you, hope and a future.  Glady, He will go before you, His rod and staff will comfort and protect you.

Honestly, I might forget sometimes, like when Justin gets home, and the trash is finally at the corner.  But this God, whose ways are perfect, He never will forget.

So, I wanted you to know, perhaps just to remind you, single momma, you are always seen.

May your floors be sticky and your trash be at the corner.  Love, Jami

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles;  and they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

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  1. Denise on February 10, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you Jami. I NEEDED that today. Single parenting is hard. Heck parenting is hard. And I only have one girly. Oh the Mommas with more kids to juggle. Weary I am today but the Lord gives strength for each day. He is a Good Good Father. Thank you sister for seeing. ❤️

  2. Rebeccca on February 10, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    Okay, I cried reading this. Then sobbed. I am 7 years out of single mom status but the tough times of doing it alone 24/7 for 11 years is past but not forgotten. I am blessed, but one doesn’t forget the years of bone weary exhaustion, heartache and loneliness, financial burden nor the hungriness from meals skipped so you can feed your child.

  3. Glenna McKelvie on February 13, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    Oh Jami.. I cried when I read this. As your mommy I knew your Dad would always be home eventually, but, he worked a lot, was gone a lot and I never lived close to any relatives! He was awesome, when he was home, but when you have to work (?)

  4. Marty Dwyer on May 7, 2019 at 7:21 am

    I didn’t realize how much this was me……throughout most of my 26 year marriage. And now that I have earned my scarlet letter, (“D”)
    even more so. Thank you ever so much for being “Jesus with skin on Him” today.

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