Wellness & Beauty
Beating the Drudgery of Comparison
My 12-passenger van stuck out like a giant zit on the end of your nose. I really didn’t care. A gift from my parents for my birthday, I was here to collect on a massage and facial while my brood hung out with Nana and Papa. My parents live near a swanky community outside of…
Read MoreThe Ax Murderer’s Diet: Result Just Weird and Kind of Creepy
The Ax Murderer’s Diet: Result Just Weird and Kind of Creepy Oh, come on, like you aren’t willing to try anything? You’ve tried other ridiculous diets, right? We spend our nickels and dimes on things that we hope to perfect us. The myriad of products I have in my bathroom is a crime against my…
Read MoreThe Offense of No Offense But….
The statement “no offense, but…” is always followed by an offense. Always. It’s offensive. And I can’t help it. I have thin skin. I get my feelings hurt and that is just how I roll. For years I have lamented this characteristic in myself. Why am I not more confident? What makes me shy from…
Read MoreThe True Cost of Bad Jesus
When our oldest son John was about 4 he choked to the point of unconsciousness. Truly, there is not a thing I can think of that is as terrifying as watching life leave your child. I knew he was choking. I knew his windpipe was obstructed. I also knew that the desperate thrusts of the…
Read MoreHow to Make the Best Chocolate Milk
When our oldest vandal son, Sam who is five asks for chocolate milk he is quite specific. He will stand by as I add the syrup to the milk. And he inevitably says, “Hey, is it chokit all da way frew yet?” And I say, “I haven’t shaken it yet.” His little body wiggles as…
Read MoreProstitute to Princess: A How to Guide
Prostitute to Princess: A How to Guide I will assume that most everyone has seen the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts and Richard Geer. If you haven’t here is the gist: Prostitute meets rich boy, rich boy and prostitute fall in love, drama ensues, rich boy saves prostitute and they live happily ever after. …
Read MoreThe Perfect Portion: Too much, too Little, Just Enough
The Perfect Portion: Too much, too Little, Just Enough My husband, Justin has this portion thing that he does to our kids. He did it with the oldest 20 some odd years ago and he does it with our five and three-year-old now. If they ask for something, say some more chips on their plate,…
Read MoreDear Weight Watchers,
Hey, guys! Listen, Y’all are awesome. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. You can have cake! This is nice. It’s a lovely touch. I recently signed up, again, and I have high hopes. I left the last time because I was afraid of that orange monster. I have actual monsters that taunt…
Read MoreGrid Type Gallery
A few months ago, we found ridiculously cheap plane tickets for Boston and off we went. It was our first visit to the city and, believe it or not, Stockholm in February was more pleasant than Boston in March. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that we arrived completely unprepared. That…
Read MoreThe Fat Girl’s Guide to Knowing Jesus
The Fat Girl’s Guide to Knowing Jesus I remember a time, several years ago, I had slept all day… about 19 hours. We had this mysterious virus at our house. As far as viruses go, it’s a malady of harsh symptoms. Body aches, chills, fever, headache, nausea, and unconsciousness. Yeah, that was the good part, well…
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