“Don’t Worry Shoog… God’s got this.”
“Don’t Worry Shoog… God’s got this.”
I was exhausted.
And discouraged.
My wallet with my cell phone was gone. $478.00 worth of groceries sat neatly bagged in my cart. The strategic purchases, intended to nourish and bless, were now the bane of some minimum wage cashier’s existence.
If I felt debauched about the hard work of grocery shopping for not, he felt even worse that he would spend the next hour returning my items to the shelf. The cashier flipped on the light, summoning the manager.
The cashier and he whispered to each other. The next person in line looked at me with pity.
Tears stung my eyes. Humiliation hued my cheeks. Panic warmed my torso.
Where was my wallet?
And my phone! My phone, with all the pictures on it!
A manager who came in response to the blinking isle #8 beacon whispered something else and then tossed a look my way. Methodically he tugged at a key bound to his wrist by this green, rubbery, spiral key chain.
As if in slow motion I watched as his managerial key slipped into the register’s keyboard.
He turned it, punched some buttons and the screen inquired, “ARE YOU SURE?” and he hit another button and the screen said, “TRANSACTION SUSPENDED.”
Metaphorical salt assaulted my wounds.
I apologized… again. Mystified, I wandered back to my car. I pulled my keys out of my purse. In the bottom of my oversized bag, there was a size 5 diaper and an Elmo container of wipes, my lipstick, a half-eaten Power bar, a pack of gum, lavender essential oil, a blue pen, and my Pulitzer Prize-winning grocery list.
Where were my wallet and phone?
I unlocked the car and climbed inside.
There, I sat staring mindlessly when a tap on my window startled me out of my comatose brain burp.
It was the lady from behind me in line.
I rolled down my window.
“Yes?”
“Honey, I am so sorry that you lost your wallet and phone. If I’d had it I would have bought your things.”
“Oh, thank you.” I stammered, trying not to break into heaving sobs.
“I will be praying for you. And don’t worry Shoog. God’s got this.”
“Thanks.” I managed.
A twinge of guilt washed over me. I should’ve been nicer. But, I was too wrecked for pleasantries. So, I just sat watching patrons shuffling in and out of the store. I witnessed a scuffle between a woman and an elderly man over a motorized scooter/basket. The manager with the power to eradicate my transaction came running out to break up the battle.
Quickly, I lost interest.
“God’s got this … SHOOG.” I said satirically out loud. I rolled my eyes and snorted. Talking to myself only added to the mockery. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a huge black truck impatiently waiting for me to move from my parking space.
He’d have to wait. I wasn’t moving. The pity party was staying right here. Row 7 Aisle B.
I mouthed, “Go find another space SHOOG!”
He flipped me off and peeled out.
“I hate you too!” I barked.
There, I imagined my Cheezits returning to their place on the shelf and I finally let loose and cried.
Good grief, I felt stupid. More than anything, I hated to waste time. Simultaneously, I felt tremendous guilt. Who was I to feel anything but blessed? I had grocery money, somewhere. And, I wasn’t having to chase down an antelope, skin, salt, and roast it. I was at a nice grocery store. Well, Walmart. The work required for me to feed my family was void of hauling water, attempting to make fire or the risk of dysentery.
Still, I had failed.
An image flashed in my mind and cried harder.
[bctt tweet=”There, I imagined my Cheezits returning to their place on the shelf and I finally let loose and cried.” quote=”There, I imagined my Cheezits returning to their place on the shelf and I finally let loose and cried.”]
The image had haunted me for days. And now, here in my fancy Jeep, I cried over Cheezits, Chardonnay, and bagged organic spinach. Somewhere there is an imaginary mark drawn. Me, I stand between the mark of being a spoiled American begging God to let the line move quicker at Starbucks and the heartbroken daughter of the God of Israel wanting to save the world.
I prayed/gripped, “I need my wallet. And, I want my phone back. Also, I am sorry to bother you. You have babies left in the wilderness to die…” Sobs escaped me. “But, I need your help too.”
Truly, I felt ridiculous. How do I, in all my fluff ask God to cover my foolishness? The image flashed in my head again. And I prayed out loud.
“God, help those who are suffering.”
I stared at the ongoing brawl over the motorized basket, a policeman pulled up and the obese woman was flailing her arms and screaming.
I struggle with all of this.
An affluence and an entitlement, Americans in our abundance and comfort… and yet, I need God’s help. Yes, I need Him. And no, I won’t put this on Facebook – the trials of a lost wallet and how good God is.
Although He is.
There is a sacrilege I wrestle with between my basic needs, stuff I just want, and stuff I know must be priority.
And my mom used to say, if one of you had cancer I’d still help my other children with their homework. So, yes, God is big enough to both save a boy abandoned in the wilderness.
And help me find my wallet…
But I can’t help but recognize the ridiculousness of asking Him for help when there is REAL suffering. I grapple with my first world struggles and the cries of the oppressed…
Why does He move the way He moves, and save the way He saves?
Inquiring, I ask, why does He allow the ridiculous to win the battle for the scooter to buy an abundance of over-processed white bread and junk, while an elderly man limps back to His car empty-handed?
Alas, I love God, and I trust Him. So I whimper. “God, please, help me find my wallet…” And whether He was in the car with me, escorting the elderly man to a different store or wandering in the wilderness with lost and abandoned little boys… saving the world – I saw with fresh eyes, my wallet and phone on the floorboard of the passenger side of my car.
He’s got this… SHOOG.
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
Psalm 4:1 (NASB) “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; be gracious to me and hear my prayer.”
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Jami, I’m just thankful I’m not the only one who struggles with the same tension of what seems like my small problems (that feel large and pressing) to those needing a BIG rescue. If we could wrap our minds around how God cares about it all and can do all, I guess he wouldn’t be God. Thank you for sharing from your struggle, I often find myself there too. 🙂
Thank you Joelle. ❤️
Oh, I love this one so much, Jami. Isn’t He a sweet God to help us with our First-World Problems while managing such devastation elsewhere? And thank you for having a heart tender enough to see that and put it into words.
I am so glad you enjoyed it Colleen. Thank you.
I love this. How timely, especially as it’s so easy to feel guilty for having so much in comparison to the rest of the world. But even in the abundance of our western world, we still have hearts that need to know that God is paying attention to us too; that just because we have more materially, He’s not forgotten about us spiritually. Oftentimes we need that encouragement and receive it through moments like those… “Lord, I just need my keys. Help me see!” or “Lord, I just need rest. So badly. Thank you for the baby, but Jesus, SLEEP. My body and soul need it”. He’s got this. He provides and His grace and sufficiency abound. Hallelujah… Shoog.
Bless you Shoog. ❤️
This is how it goes when I read ANYTHING you write:
Oh YAY! Open it open it open it. gotta open IT.. Like a kid in a candy store! Stupid computer takes too long. Waiting… I really need to figure out how to get this thing to move faster… come ON… getting fidgety…Yum yum yum…. salivating at the goodness I am about to ingest.
Ah… there we go…deep breath… oh been THERE… hate that….yeah… giggle…sigh…giggle…sigh…thank you God…yes…YES exactly that…sigh…nodding… wow… totally get that.. yes… sigh… closes eyes and shakes head with conviction…opens eyes and reads on…yes exactly THAT…sigh…smile… nods again… deep inhale…and exhale… thanks God for your words and His Providence.
Oh. My. That was utterly dear. Thank you. I needed that to move on with second book prop. Truly. Thank you. J
The Wonder of God is His Ability to parent! I see God (and had there been computers in the 15th century -sn idea like this
Would have been considered bladphemy). But, I see God as the great loving main computer, and the Holy Spirit as a small computer chip in each of us.. — there is enough of Him to go around to the big and the small problems,. (Can you see me being burnt at the stake for such an idea?). Works for me! I love Him madly because there is enough of Him to go around! ❤️
Jami,
Thank you for following God’s calling for you. To put into words so eloquently the truths of this world as you seen them. I find wisdom and comfort in your words. I laugh with you, cry with you, and nod my head in understanding as I devour your stories of faith, failing, falling, and fulfillment. Thank you for this gift that you bring to me every time you share your world . You are truly a blessing!
Bless you Suzan!
” I stand between the mark of being a spoiled American begging God to let the line move quicker at Starbucks and the heartbroken daughter of the God of Israel wanting to save the world.” I love this! You always know how to capture my thoughts and feelings. I wrestle ALL the time with asking God for small petty “American” things while their is a world in desperate need of basics. Thanks for the analogy from your mom. It really does offer a new perspective. Blessings to you and your family.
Thank you Tonya. Bless you.
I feel like this so many times and feel a right fool for it! However I do KNOW God has us no matter my failings He has a perfect plan in it all!
Amen.
Thank you so much for this. I have these thoughts often when I pray for something that may seem important at the time, but is insignificant when I think of all the massive world problems that are surely more deserving of God’s attention. While part of me remembers that God hears all prayers, another part of me feels ashamed to even consider asking for God to help with the little things. I guess this helps to remind us to be humble and blessed by his love and attention.
Amen
Oh my. This. THIS. Yes Jami. Thank you
Thank you!
My husband, comforting me once, said, ” Just because somebody else has bigger or more numerous problems, doesnt negate your problems.”. It is often a case of “…(maybe our little problems don’t count a hill of beans in this swde world,) but this is OUR hill, and these are OUR beans!”. Ours may be ” first world” problems, but they are no less problematic. And God cares for us too, not just those who are starving or in a war-zone. God bless you…and I hope you eventually got some Chardonnay!
Thank you for being authentic and real and honest and letting us in.
I appreciate you!
Thank you Susan. I appreciate you as well. It means so much you take time to read and comment. Bless you. ❤️
Oh shoog..so good!! Just lovvvveee your wriring!
Thanks Shoog!
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I loved everything about this post. Especially because my Daddy calls me Shoog.
Shoog ❤️
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